


Retracing the Past

by Mad_Stressed



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: BAMF Riza Hawkeye, Childhood, F/M, Flame Alchemy, Flashbacks, Gen, Ishbal | Ishval, Memories, Parental Riza Hawkeye, Promised Day, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25662127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Stressed/pseuds/Mad_Stressed
Summary: a series of flashbacks of Riza Hawkeye's life.akascenes that didn't fit in my other fic but I didn't want to delete them so now they have their own fic.
Relationships: Edward Elric & Riza Hawkeye, Rebecca Catalina & Riza Hawkeye, Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16
Collections: Not Dead Yet





	1. A Home Visit

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be adding to this fic periodically. in general, each chapter is unrelated to the others, but they do all take place as pieces of the same story.
> 
> like I said before, these were written as flashbacks for my other fic Not Dead Yet, but I ended up editing them out. even if they didn't make it to the final product, I still quite liked some of them, so I decided to post them here. they're fairly short for the most part.
> 
> hope you enjoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward comes to Riza for some advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is my favorite of the flashbacks, it killed me to cut it from the original fic.

Edward sat awkwardly on her couch as she made the tea in the kitchen. Neither of them spoke in the time it took her to boil the water.

When the tea was done, she poured them both a cup and brought it to the living room.

Sitting down on the adjacent sofa, she broke the silence, “To what do I owe this visit Edward?”

The young man fidgeted with his cup, “I wanted to ask you something”, he said, looking somewhat self-conscious, “and, I don’t know, I guess I was hoping you’d have some advice.”

Riza waited expectantly, knowing it would take him a few moments before he was able to formulate his thoughts into words.

“How did you know?”

Riza raised an eyebrow, “I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific, Edward.”

“That night I returned your gun and you told me about Ishval.”

“Oh”, Riza smiled fondly at the memory, at how flustered he had become when she pointed out his love for Winry, “it was quite obvious, really. Even Bradley was aware of it, if you remember.”

“I don’t think I could forget”, Edward muttered bitterly, it was obvious he still resented the late Fuhrer for holding Winry hostage, “but how did you know when even I didn't know.”

Riza chuckled lightly, “Call it a woman’s intuition”, she took a sip of her tea, “and you weren’t completely ignorant of your feelings, just in denial.”

Edward’s ears began to turn red, he spluttered as if trying to think of a smartass reply, but coming up short.

Riza saved him from floundering for too long, she pushed on in the conversation, “Did you really come all this way to ask me that one question?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“I didn't come _all this way._ East City was on my way home, and I needed to talk to Mustang about a few altered alchemical arrays I found in Creta.”

“Yes, but that’s not the reason you're in my apartment right now.”

“No”, Edward sighed, “I guess I...” his words trailed off as he dug in his bag, pulling out a small box, opening it up to reveal a delicate ring, he set it on the table in front of her.

“Edward. I'm flattered but you're much too young for me.”

“ _You know damn well that’s not what I meant!”_ Edward cried as he snatched the ring box off the table.

Riza did her best to rein in her smile as Ed sputtered. Once he had stowed the ring back into his bag, and his blush had disappeared, she spoke.

“So, you're going to propose to Winry?”

“Well... that’s the thing.”

“You're uncertain?”

“Yeah. Well, no. It’s just—Gah!”, He pulled his hands through his hair, “What if it’s too soon? What if she freaks out? What if I mess it up?”

“Edward, I highly doubt you could mess up a proposal so badly that Winry forgets her own feelings for you.”

He didn't look convinced, so she continued as she stirred her tea, “From what you told me the last time I saw you, it seemed like you’d already proposed, and she’d accepted.”

“You mean all that talk about equivalent exchange? That wasn’t a proposal. At least... not an official one.”

“That may be true, but it’s safe to say it was an important moment for the two of you.”

“Yeah. So? What's your point?”

“If Winry accepted your fumbling alchemical analogy as a profession of love, then I'm sure an official proposal won't scare her off, no matter how it’s worded.”

Edward considered her words for a moment, sipping his tea, “Okay fine, maybe I can't mess up the words that badly, but what about the timing? How do I know it’s not too soon?”

“You two have been together longer than most couples have been when they're married.”

“But I've been out of the country for half of it. Does it really count as a relationship if I'm not there half the time? What if I'm rushing into things?”

Riza sighed, he was going to overthink himself into a knot if she didn't do something.

“Just because you were separated by distance, doesn’t mean you were kept totally apart. You wrote letters, you talked on the phone, right?”

“Well, yeah, of course we kept in contact. Phone calls and postage took up about a third of my research budget.”

“Now, let me ask you this, Edward. In the year you’ve been researching in Creta, how many times have you been home?”

“Three.”

“And once you’ve been home, how many times have you been excited to leave?”

“None”, Edward said, his voice growing subdued, “I always hate leaving. Winry’s the one who sees me off at the train station, she does her best to not let me see her cry, but she’d always have tears in her eyes when she waved to me from the platform.”

Riza gave him a sympathetic look, “While it may be true that the two of you haven’t had what most would call a conventional relationship, that doesn’t negate the fact that you are clearly in love with her. And from the sound of it, the feeling is very much mutual. Now let me ask you one last question: how long have you had that ring?”

“Since leaving Resembool for the second time.”

“If that’s the case then I don’t think you have to worry about rushing into this. Don’t put so much effort into timing everything out. You’ll know when the moment is right.”

Edward seemed to relax a bit as he absorbed her words, but there was still doubt in his eyes. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, finishing their tea. It wasn’t until she was collecting the cups that he spoke again.

“If that’s true then why am I so nervous?”

Riza thought for a moment before answering, placing the cups in the sink she said, “It’s like when you're young and you jump into a pond for the first time, knowing you'll land safely doesn’t make the jump any less scary. Just because you know the likely outcome, doesn’t mean the change is any less daunting.”

Let out a quiet laugh, “Not the most graceful metaphor, but I get the point. Thanks Lieutenant Hawkeye.”

She smiled, “No need be critical, I'm a sniper, not a philosopher.” 

Ed waved her off, “Yeah, yeah, I just hope that one day you'll learn to take your own advice.”

Riza shot him a look, but Edward didn't say anything else, he just gave her a knowing smirk as he began to gather up his things.

He stood up, and began to meander towards the door, “It’s getting late. I should head out. Thank you for the for the tea. And the conversation.”

“Are you heading to Resembool now? Surely there isn’t a train leaving this time of night.”

Edward shrugged, “I’ll just find a hotel, I need to talk to your boss again tomorrow anyway, I have a few questions he hasn’t answered fully yet.”

“There's no need to find a hotel, I have a perfectly good spare bedroom. If you need to talk to the General tomorrow you can go into work with me in the morning. He doesn’t have any appointments until the afternoon, and the rest of the team will be eager to see you.”

Ed hesitated, “It’s really okay, Lieutenant, I don’t mind hotels, and I have the money, really it’s fine. You’ve already done plenty for me.”

Riza did her best not to roll her eyes, “This whole politeness dance is always so unnecessary, you can thank me for my hospitality by washing the teacups in the sink.”

Whatever argument Edward seemed to have prepared died on his lips. Mutely he dropped his bag and made his way to the sink. 

Riza ruffled his hair as he passed. “I’ll set out a towel for you in the bathroom. Just try not to use all of my conditioner.”


	2. City Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Childhood Flashback. Roy hates horses

Riza laughed as she watched her father’s apprentice struggle to get on the horse.

“Hurry up, city boy”, she said, “if we were walking we’d be halfway to town by now.”

Despite her holding Buttercup steady, the horse still shuffled every time Roy got near her. His own nervousness affecting the creature. 

“It was your idea to take the horse”, Roy grumbled, pulling himself into the saddle, only to realize that he’d placed the wrong foot in the stirrup, causing him to mount the horse backwards.

Riza cackled in a very unladylike way as he dismounted, “If I'd known it would take this long I never would have suggested it! Buttercup was supposed to help us save time, not waste it.”

“How is she supposed to save us time?” Roy asked, finally settling in the correct position in the saddle, “One of us will still have to walk.”

Riza didn't answer, instead she grinned, placed her foot in the stirrup, and mounted the horse with ease, landing just in front of Roy.

“We’ll have to walk on the way back”, she corrected, “but at least we won't have to carry anything.”

Roy hummed in thought, it seemed he hadn’t considered that.

Before he could get too comfortable in the saddle, a wicked gleam shined in Riza’s eye, “Now hold on”, she said, “we’ll have to make up for lost time.”

With that, she clicked her heels against Buttercup’s side, the horse jolted forward at an awkward trot. Riza didn't even try to hide her smile as Roy nearly tumbled off the back of the horse. Grabbing her waist with an undignified yelp.

_It’s always fun to make him squirm._

He could be a bit of a snobby city boy sometimes, but for the most part, Roy Mustang wasn’t so bad.


	3. Killing Fields

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ishval

Track

Breathe

Squeeze

_BANG_

Again

_BANG_

Again

_BANG_

Again

Again. And again. And again.

One after another the Ishvalans fall. Insurgents. Civilians. It doesn’t matter anymore. All meet their end as they cross into her path. She sees the shock and pain in their eyes as they go down. she doesn’t have the luxury of looking away.

The only solace is that she can no longer here their cries. The gunshots have left her ears ringing. She hasn’t been able to hear properly in days, maybe she never will again. 

_That’s alright with me._ She thinks as she loads her gun once more, _I deserve far worse than hearing loss._

Another man sprints into her field of vision, eyes wide as he takes in the carnage. He doesn’t have time to turn and run before she puts a bullet in his chest, right through his heart. It’s the only mercy she can afford them in this war. A quick death. As painless as possible.

It’s not enough.


	4. Father Daughter Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Berthold Hawkeye is a shitty father

The knock at the door had Riza’s stomach in a knot. The apprehension that had been boiling under her skin all day grew worse. She opened the door, there was no one there. Her father hadn’t even waited for her to answer before returning to his office. 

He didn't need to. She knew what the knock had meant.

_It’s time._

The whole day before, her father had worked, stenciling out that damned alchemical array onto her skin.

Today was the day it would become permanent.

Or at the very least it was the first of many. She knew it would take a great deal of time before all of her father’s work was completely imparted onto her skin.

Opening the door to her father’s study, she settled herself backwards onto a chair, and waited for her father to finish his work at his desk.

After what felt like an eternity, Berthold Hawkeye looked his daughter in the eye. 

“Are you ready?”

_Does it matter?_

She did not answer, she didn't need to. She would do her duty as a daughter, as loyal as ever. Both of them knew that.

To whatever end.


	5. Training Fields

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little fun amongst cadets

Track

Breathe

Squeeze

_BANG_

Again

_BANG_

Again

_BANG_

Riza sat up from where she lay. Behind her, someone whistled.

“Jeez Riza”, Rebecca said, fixated on the targets through her binoculars, “if you keep this up, they’ll ship you out early. We’ve been here two months and you're already outperforming the instructors.”

“How’d I do?”

She didn't need to ask, she already knew how she did. Pride swelled within her as her friend announced her results.

“Bullseye each time”, Rebecca answered, handing off the binoculars to Havoc with a smile, “Looks like you owe me some money.”

The other cadets that had gathered to watch laughed and clapped. Money could be seen passing hands.

“No way”, Jean said, taking the binoculars. Looking through them he laughed, “Well, I’ll be damned. Three perfect bullseyes at 500 meters”, he looked at Rebecca, “Double or nothing says she can’t do it at 600.”

“Oh, you're on!” Rebecca said, as she pulled Riza to her feet.

Riza laughed as the two cadets pulled her along, bickering the whole way. When she had enlisted she hadn’t expected to find such boisterous friends, and she certainly hadn’t expected to be doing trick shots with a sniper in her downtime, but the cadets needed something to do to blow off steam.

The war loomed over all of them. She could feel the anxiety in the barracks at night. It was often hard to find joy in her talent, not when Riza was all too aware of the fact that she may one day be asked to place a human being in her crosshairs.

But not tonight.

Jean was going to lose a lot of money tonight.


	6. A Familiar Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riza runs into Roy in Ishval for the first time

In that moment she’d hated him. That bright flash of pure loathing and anger hit her like a brick when she first aid eyes on him on that dead battlefield.

She’d seen the bloodshed, hell, she had more than her share of blood on her hands. She’d seen what her father’s alchemy had wrought and she hated it. The skin on her back crawled every time she saw the charred husks of buildings, of people.

That hatred within her ebbed as his face flashed in recognition, regret etched his features. His own eyes reflecting the brokenness she felt. 

_We’ll all have the eyes of killers before this is over._

**Author's Note:**

> as always I love feedback/questions! thanks for reading!


End file.
